The Halloween of Everyday Life: Escaping the Masks We Live In

Boo…. Halloween is almost here, and soon, we will see children running up and down the streets wearing masks. Yet, I would argue that most adults wear masks every day. Our mask could be the mask of a mother or father. Other people wear a mask to hide their emotional pain and try to put on a "normal mask" that shows no pain. This pain could be the loss of a loved one, a traumatic experience, or a deep-seated fear.

For years, I was the person who wore the mask to hide my childhood pain, and I never got a chance to be my vulnerable self because I was always afraid of being hurt. Thus, I never knew the "real me," as I had been hiding behind a mask for most of my life. But why do we, as adults, feel the need to wear these masks? Perhaps it's to meet society's expectations or protect ourselves from vulnerability. Whatever the reason, the reality is that most of us are never truly mask-free.

For example, if I were the CEO of a big company, I might have to lean into the traits of someone more authoritative, even though, by nature, I'm a laid-back person; the mask gives me the confidence to display a strong presence. However, when I arrive home, I must exchange that mask for the mask of a parent. When the kids go to bed, I exchange that mask for the mask of a spouse. When it is time for bed, and I am drifting off to sleep with my thoughts in my head, I think, who was I today? So, when do I get to be mask-free? Is my true self only in dreams?

Life happens so quickly, and we find ourselves wearing multiple masks. We often lose touch with ourselves and never see our true selves as we did in our youth. In our youth, we could spend hours with crayons and a coloring book and let our minds go free. Our true selves would color the dog bright blue until the world told us there was no such thing as a blue dog. Those were the times when we just wanted to play with anyone; we didn't care what they thought or believed in; we just wanted to be ourselves, play with toys, and have a good time in the presence of our peers.

I understand we cannot stay children forever; eventually, we must go to school and wear our first mask, the mask of a "good student." Some of our peers learned to wear the mask of the teacher's pet or class clown. Unfortunately, there were people like myself who started wearing a mask to hide the pain that I had at home. Eventually, those kids who learned at an early age to wear a mask to hide pain became adaptable and wore whatever mask they needed just to survive because the pain was unbearable. Those survival skills of wearing many masks followed us into adulthood, and sometimes, the cost of wearing many masks is developing unhealthy coping skills.

Is there a place in our adulthood where we can put down all our masks and be our authentic selves without judgment? Our authentic self is the person we are when we are not influenced by societal expectations, past traumas, or the need to fit in. It's the person we were before we started wearing masks. I'm sure there are moments when we see ourselves, like when we get lost in a book or television show, yet is that really seeing ourselves, or is it inserting ourselves into someone else's entertainment vision? Do we just want moments of being our authentic selves, or should we always strive to be mask-free? There is no easy answer because life isn't easy. It constantly tests us to see how much we can handle, and sadly, wearing a mask makes life easier in the short term, but it can be costly in the long run.

As we get older, we get tired of wearing all the masks. We have had successful and unsuccessful relationships. Friends have come and gone, and we find ourselves in the twilight years and finally throw our masks in the garbage. However, because of our life experiences and unresolved issues, we might become bitter because we have worn masks for so long and don't know how to be our authentic selves. So, we are called cranky or cantankerous when we step outside into the community. We find ourselves labeled in society, and that's just as bad as wearing a mask.

It's crucial to find a balance between being our authentic selves and navigating life's challenges. One of the first steps is to check in with ourselves regularly. We need to be honest about the emotional pain and stress we experience in our daily lives. It's okay to let things go and move forward. But most importantly, we must learn to be comfortable in our own skin and show compassion to ourselves and others. Self-compassion means accepting ourselves as we are, with all our flaws and imperfections. It's about being kind and understanding, even when we or others make mistakes. This self-compassion is a powerful tool that can guide us on our journey to authenticity.

There was a time when I wore so many masks that I lost touch with my true self. It felt like I was walking in a stranger's shoes. This disconnection took a toll on my mental health, and I realized I needed help to rediscover my inner child and learn to put away the masks. It's a long journey of self-realization, and it's okay to seek help along the way. 

Asking for help is not a weakness; we all ask for help at one point in our lives, and that's how we learn. Yet, many people forgo the help and wear masks of strength. While the mask of strength helps at the moment, if one wears it too long, it becomes heavy and might break us from the inside. 

I no longer wear a mask; instead, I wear a veil. The veil helps just like the mask, but the key is that I can see my true self in the mirror, and I never want to lose sight of my authentic self again. When we are our authentic selves, it is easier to find inner peace and live the life we want without wearing a mask. The process of shedding masks and embracing our authentic selves is powerful, and it's a journey worth taking.