Yes to both and no to both. It’s the paradox we’ve become accustomed to. When holidays come around there are a few things that happen. We start “shoulding” ourselves about all the family obligations and pleasing people. We begin to contract because of predicted family behavior. We fall into our old ways of being when we get around family. All the shadow bits come out to play and at least from what exists in the collective, Holidays CAN be a sh#t show.
But, do they have to be?
Let me offer a simple re-frame for the best, most magical holiday season ever. I began this article with a question. Is the family toxic or are you? Both are true, it’s the paradox. Because when you sense toxic behavior, you unconsciously engage as well. You become just as “toxic” by letting emotions overtake you, by gossip, jealousy, ridicule, even subtle little jabs quite frankly, make you equally toxic.
Here is the exit ramp. But before we exit this ramp you must be willing to do something different in order to get different results.
Here is the first step. Realize this of all of the family bickering, judgements, and nit-picking: NOBODY CARES AND IT’S ALL BULLSH#T. Meaning, when you engage in any sort of family drama, it’s your choice. Your parents are knuckleheads. They had no clue how to be parents. They most likely came from even more chaos than you may have experienced. You drop ALL family drama, by simply showing up as love. Smiling when Nana nags that you don’t do your hair right, laughing when Mom makes a passive aggressive comment about your clothing, a small grin when Dad gets locked into battling politics he has no chance of “winning” or any version of this nonsense. You show up in LOVE. You can give zero f&cks. You, and only you can do the inner work to understand all the inner child narrative, you can know that your parents and family are playing their part perfectly in your simulation. You can stop blaming them and your family and just bring some boardgames, relax before you go in and laugh at it all.
Because, I’ll tell you what friends. You will get a call one day that mom or dad has passed on. You get to decide how that feels in your consciousness. If you want to heal all generations of your family; SHOW UP IN LOVE; laugh it off. You bring the joy that the entire room has to recalibrate to. Watch what happens next. Feel free to leave early, have some grown up boundaries and find harmony and balance. You got this.
