Learning the Hard Way: Life’s After-School Program

As back-to-school season rolls around, I can’t help but think about all the teachers I had growing up. I remember the ones who stood out — the ones who pulled me aside, took the time to get to know me, and believed in me. These teachers saw something in me when I couldn’t see it in myself, and I am thankful to them. Yet, as I grew older, I realized that no classroom, teacher, or curriculum ever taught me the way life did because life is the greatest teacher of all.

Unlike school, where you’re taught the lesson before the test, life flips the script. Life gives you the test first, and the lesson shows up later. Some of these life lessons hurt and shape our personalities, boundaries, and, in extreme cases, teach us how to build walls and develop poor coping skills. In my life, I didn’t see the lesson until I was knee-deep in regret, pain, or confusion. Honestly, I’ve had to learn the hard way more often than not. Maybe it’s fate, destiny, or stubbornness; whatever the reason, every lesson I’ve learned came at a cost, and it hurt.

It’s remarkable how few of us are truly prepared for the challenges that life presents. In the beginning, we learn the basics: how to make friends, the golden rule, and so on. Friends come and go, and we’re told to get good grades so we can be anything we want in the world. Then hormones kick in, and our world is turned upside down. Our baby face suddenly develops blemishes, and our focus shifts to finding someone to date. We struggle balancing school and a social life, all while following the house rules. As teens, sometimes we found ourselves screaming, “It isn’t fair!” Oh, how little we know — it was only the beginning.

As our school years come to an end, we find ourselves shaking hands at graduation and making plans for the future. But most of the time, life has other ideas, and our best-laid plans hit roadblocks we never see coming. We were never taught how to handle betrayal, heartbreak, grief, or failure, and these roadblocks last well into adulthood. The hard truth is that life doesn’t care about your plans; it just shows up uninvited, unapologetic, and leaves a mess for us to clean up.

We are the only ones who can clean up our mess. It helps to have people to guide us, but ultimately, we have to do the work ourselves. Some of these life lessons leave marks — not just on our skin, but on our minds and our mental health. We find ourselves battling anxiety, sleepless nights, broken trust, depression, and a low sense of self-worth. Sometimes we’re not ready to handle these emotions, and life doesn’t care. In fact, if we don’t learn the lesson the first time, life circles back and gives us the same test again. Maybe with different names, faces, or scenery, but the same root lesson.

I know it sounds like life can be cruel, but here’s the reality: those painful, humbling, even embarrassing moments are what shape us. Life’s painful moments shine a light on the blind spots we refused to acknowledge and force us to grow. Although it may hurt at the time, we might learn the lesson of forgiveness, acceptance, or humility, and the gift left behind is called wisdom.

For many years, I resented those hard lessons. Now, I still don’t like them, but I respect them. It’s through those lessons that I’ve come to accept life and all the highs and lows that come with it. We must let go of the idea that life will be pain-free. We must accept that pain is part of life and it’s something we can’t control. I’ve realized that just like I can’t control every reckless driver on the road, I can’t control everything. I can only control how I drive my car and my choices. I can drive with intention, be alert, steer away from chaos — but I can’t always avoid being blindsided. And I have to be okay with that if I want to keep driving on life’s super highway.

Life has taught me the most powerful move isn’t control...it’s surrender. Not the kind of surrender that means giving up, but the kind that says, “I trust the journey even when I don’t understand it.” When you’ve been through life’s toughest classes, sometimes you need to check in with yourself and remind yourself that it’s okay not to have all the answers, because all of us will always be learning.

As students sharpen their pencils and teachers make lesson plans, I find myself sitting in my own classroom. The difference is, life is my teacher. My assignments are finding positive coping skills instead of falling into grief, depression, and negative self-talk. My final exam is this: can I grow as a person while being the best version of myself?

To this point in my life, I definitely didn’t get straight A’s. I’m more of a D and C student so far — but I’m showing up, trying to raise my GPA. I’m still learning, and I’m doing my best to avoid repeating the same mistakes. Remember this for life’s next pop quiz: some of life’s greatest lessons are the ones we never wanted…but needed the most.