In 2019, I accomplished something I hadn’t been able to do in my entire adult life: I lost thirty pounds and finally fit into single-digit-size clothing. Friends and clients asked me what my “secret” was, but the truth is—there wasn’t one. I moved daily, cut sugar and refined carbs to heal my leaky gut, and finally drank enough water. The tools weren’t revolutionary—what made the difference was motivation.
After that big win, I thought I had finally “cracked the code” on motivation. But within a year, when the world shut down in 2020, I found myself back in old patterns. Skipping workouts. Mindlessly snacking. Frustrated that I couldn’t “just stick to it,” even though I knew what had worked before. My environment, energy, and emotional bandwidth had completely shifted. I was expecting myself to perform at the same level in a totally different context.
That’s when it hit me: the tools hadn’t stopped working. I was in a different stage of change. And I was trying to apply the same strategy without recognizing that my readiness and needs had changed.
So many of us beat ourselves up for “not being motivated enough,” but motivation isn’t a fixed trait. It’s not something you either have or don’t. Motivation is fluid. It ebbs and flows based on our internal readiness, emotional state, and even the world around us. And when we don’t recognize where we actually are in the process of change, we end up using the wrong tools at the wrong time—and blaming ourselves for not getting results.
This is where the transtheoretical model of behavior change becomes a game-changer. I first learned about it in graduate school, and it gave me language and grace for something I had intuitively felt. It helps move us out of shame and into awareness. When we understand the stage we’re in, we can meet ourselves with the right kind of support… instead of chasing the elusive high of motivation.
The Transtheoretical Model of Behavior Change, sometimes simply called “the stages of change model,” was developed by psychologists James Prochaska and Carlo DiClemente in the late 1970s. Created to understand how people quit smoking, it’s now used for all kinds of change—from health habits to relationships.
What makes this model so powerful is that it recognizes change as a process, not a flip of a switch. It honors that each of us move through different levels of readiness and that each stage requires a different kind of support. Learning this model as a coach was a lightbulb moment for me. I realized that the magic isn’t about doing more, it’s in knowing where someone is and what they need.
Stage 1: Precontemplation – “They say I have a problem, but I’m fine.”
At this stage, change isn’t even on your radar. Or maybe it is—but only because someone else put it there. It’s the “They say I have a problem, but I’m fine” phase. You might not see the need for change, or you might be too overwhelmed to face it. People here aren’t resistant—they’re often just disconnected, in survival mode, or unaware.
For a long time, I told myself I was just in a “busy season. ” I stacked my calendar, said yes to everything, and convinced myself it was all temporary. But eventually, I realized that season had quietly become a lifestyle, and it wasn’t sustainable. I wasn’t intentionally ignoring my needs; I just didn’t see the full picture yet.
Precontemplation isn’t about being stubborn—it’s about not being ready yet. And the best support for someone in this stage isn’t pressure or performance plans. It's a gentle awareness. It’s a curious question, a shift in perspective, or a quiet moment that helps you realize, “Maybe something could be different.”
Stage 2: Contemplation – “Something’s got to give... but I’m not ready yet.”
In contemplation, you know there’s a shift you want to make, but you're not fully ready to act. You might be weighing the pros and cons. You might be scared of failing (again). You might be grieving what you’d have to let go of to move forward.
This is one of the most emotionally tender places to be and to coach a client from. There’s a flicker of hope, but it’s tangled up in doubt. “I know I can’t keep going like this,” or “I want to change, but I don’t know if I can stick to it,” is common language at this stage.
Compassion, clarity, and space to explore what’s true for a client are priorities in this stage. Journaling can be a powerful awareness exercise. Coaching conversations, values work, and small self-reflections can build trust and confidence.
Stage 3: Preparation – “I’m ready… I just don’t know where to start.”
Planning starts when awareness awakens. You’ve decided that a change needs to happen, and you’re ready to make it. And instead of motivation, you might feel overwhelmed, especially if past attempts didn’t stick.
In my own life, this is often the moment when I start making lists. I bought the planner. I rewatched the webinar. I cleared space—mentally, emotionally, or even physically—for what’s next. Preparation is full of promise, but it can also be a trap if we confuse planning with action.
The most helpful tools at this stage are simple, small steps: scheduling a walk, prepping one healthy meal, or setting up a support system. Accountability is key here to help translate intention into movement.
Stage 4: Action – “I’m doing it!”
You’ve leaped, and you’re actively changing your behavior. This is the phase that gets celebrated the most. It’s visible. It’s exciting. People notice. This is where the gym selfies, meal prep posts, and morning routine reels live. Because of that, many people assume that action is the final destination. But it’s not. Action is just the middle of the process.
During my action phase, seeing results felt amazing, but staying consistent required effort. I had to protect my energy, adjust when things didn’t go to plan, and stay rooted in why I wanted this change.
Support in this stage is about being resilient. What helps most is building flexible routines, tracking progress in a way that feels encouraging, and having systems or people to lean on when life inevitably interrupts your momentum.
Stage 5: Maintenance – “This is part of who I am now.”
In the maintenance stage, your new habit or behavior has started to feel integrated. You’re no longer white-knuckling every decision. There’s more ease. But that doesn’t mean it’s effortless.
This is the stage where many people let their guard down, assuming the change is “done.” In reality, maintenance requires recommitment. Not because you’re failing, but because life changes—and what worked three months ago might need adjusting today.
In my own life, I’ve noticed that when I’m in maintenance, I need reminders to stay connected to why I started. I might refresh my goals, reconnect with my support system, or update my routines to match my current season of life. The key is sustainability, not perfection. Maintenance is a process, not a finish line.
Stage 6: Relapse – “I fell off… now what?”
Relapse doesn’t mean you’ve failed—it means something needs adjusting. It’s not a setback; it’s an invitation to learn what wasn’t sustainable. For me, it usually means I need to reconnect with my why, revisit my resources, and show myself some compassion.
What brings us back isn’t more willpower—it’s kindness. It’s the decision to begin again from where we are, not where we think we should be.
Understanding the stages of change is permission to stop forcing motivation and start responding to your actual needs. Motivation isn’t something you chase. It’s something that meets you when you know what stage you’re in, and you give yourself the support that fits.
