Escaping vs. Healing: The Vacation We Really Need

As we enter the dog days of summer, vacations are on everyone's mind. We are halfway through the year, and our New Year's goals might be burnt as our sunburn, or maybe we just need a break from constantly pushing ourselves to the max. Whichever camp you fall into, both shout from the rooftops: "I need a vacation!" 

Vacations are much-needed and a great way to recharge our batteries, make memories, and have fun. However, before we book that vacation, we must ask ourselves one important question: are we recharging or running away from our problems?

Vacations are often considered the perfect cure for whatever ails us in life. For example, if we feel like we are getting burned out at work, the suggestion is to book a trip and go on vacation. If you find yourself heartbroken, the suggestion is to take an adventure. If you feel stuck in a rut, change the scenery and travel. If you have relationship problems, the suggestion is to go to a retreat. The common theme is to leave, yet our problems and issues still accompany us when we reach baggage claim. 

I was born in Indiana, and summers consisted of spending two weeks with my grandparents or attending summer camp. When I was seven, my parents packed up their travel trailer, and I grabbed a few toys, thinking we were heading out west for a short family vacation. Unbeknownst to me, I would never return home. Somewhere during those two weeks filled with swimming and fun, my parents made a spontaneous, life-altering decision: we were moving from the Midwest to bask in the Las Vegas sun. 

At the end of two weeks, I was caught up in a whirlwind of my parents making quick, life-changing choices. My environment was flipped upside down. My extended family was now gone, and I never got to say goodbye to my friends. My childhood home and belongings vanished as I watched my parents sell the travel trailer and enroll me in school. Dad left to sell the house while Mom and I slept on the floor in a cheap apartment complex that housed my future abusers.

By winter, the house didn't sell, and Mom refused to return to Indiana. A divorce was on the horizon, and I felt like I was human luggage. That spontaneous vacation became a "forever vacation," one that left me with deep mental health scars and taught me far too early the painful truth about nature versus nurture. It wasn't until my 40s that I fully understood that my "forever vacation" wasn't a new beginning; it was my parents running from their problems. But the trauma/issues they tried to escape from became my problem, and it planted seeds of unresolved trauma I would carry forever."

Instead of running away from their problems, my parents should have leaned into healing. No amount of sunblock and cocktails fixes our problems. They were seeking temporary relief rather than focusing on genuine healing. Temporary relief is like slapping on a band-aid and hoping the wound heals itself. Because when the vacation ends, the same unanswered questions and concerns will remain. 

Temporary relief is a distraction. Healing is making the hard choice. Temporary relief is laughing and enjoying dinner in a new city. Healing is finding the right therapist to treat the root cause of a problem. Temporary relief is a getaway. Healing is getting honest with yourself.

The main problem is that healing isn't fun; it's work. Yet, it has so many benefits down the road. Instead of spending hundreds of dollars and scrolling through social media in a hammock, we can stop, pause, and think about improving our lives instead of sunbathing for two weeks. This could be creating boundaries with people who test our mental health. Opening up our emotional baggage and making peace with issues that we have buried for years. It could also be a way to seek closure from the people who have wronged us in life. While swimming with the dolphins sounds much better, doing any of these things is more worthwhile. 

It's not that vacations are bad. In fact, taking a break can be a beautiful part of your wellness routine. The key to any vacation is not WHERE we go but WHY we are going. Vacations offer a few days of freedom and temporary relief from life's pressures; however, we must remember that vacations are pauses, and sometimes, that is precisely what we need, but it won't be the cure for our problems.

If you decide on a staycation, focus on reflection, rest, and reconnecting with yourself. Reconnecting with ourselves allows us to take inventory of our past, present, and future. That doesn't mean you shouldn't travel or enjoy your summer. But try asking yourself: What do I want to achieve with this vacation? Because once you know the answer, you can decide if you need a vacation or a breakthrough. The reality is that many people (including myself) return from vacation exhausted more than when they left. Just have an honest exchange with yourself; don't feel pressured or worry about judgment from others. If you're tired, let yourself truly rest. If you're hurting emotionally, give yourself space to heal. Just be honest. Don't wait for a flight to fix everything. Maybe the vacation you really need is the one that brings you back home to you.