Breaking the Cycle: When You Choose to Be the Change

One traumatic event can leave ripples that will last for generations. Whether we pass the trauma or inherit it, having the courage to break the cycle is a monumental task. It's as though these echoes of pain create a haunting soundtrack that plays in the background of our lives. But here's the good news: breaking this cycle is one of the most monumental tasks we can undertake. Breaking this cycle is not only brave; it's transformational; it's a testament to our resilience and a declaration that we refuse to be tethered to our past.

When we look at why some people suffer from generational trauma, patterns start to show themselves, and sometimes, we begin to mirror our abuser's toxic behavior. Whether it is abusing drugs, sex, alcohol, food, or engaging in the same abusive behavior as our abusers, we must take action. Yet, this task is extremely difficult to achieve, as sometimes it seems like we are fighting against our nature. 

Looking back at my journey, I was certain I made better choices than my parents until I realized the foundation they built was riddled with cracks, and I was falling into the same pitfalls without a second glance. My father, a master of making choices driven by anger, passed on more than just his DNA; he made decisions that left chaos in my soul that harbored anger. My father abandoned me when I needed him the most in my formidable years, yet somehow, with him not being around, I was unaware of how closely I mirrored him. My parents failed to get me help for my mental health for whatever reason they had, and I, too, followed their lead and refused to admit to myself I was struggling with mental health issues. 

It wasn't until my late 30s, after a mental health crisis forced me to confront the chaos within. After the crisis, my mother abandoned me, and I became a broken shell of myself, drowning in a sea of depression. I was against seeking help, but reluctantly, I started the process and broke the cycle. I got help; that was the first step toward breaking the cycle. Yet, recognizing the need for change was only the tip of the iceberg.

Breaking the cycle requires daily effort and the determination to rewire our thought processes, transforming how we perceive life's various choices. There will be setbacks, but one must be committed to the process. The second step to breaking the cycle is recognizing and identifying harmful or dysfunctional family traits that have been passed down. This requires looking at hard truths about family dynamics, our parents, our choices, our relationships, our triggers, generational trauma, and why we self-sabotage. This step can take years to uncover because it is a fact-finding mission and a journey of self-discovery that will fundamentally change how we make choices, handle life events, and navigate life.

Here is another hard truth: time is the enemy in this endeavor. At 47, I have the skills, willingness, and knowledge to break the cycle. Unfortunately, I perpetuated the cycle in my 20s and most of my 30s, doing damage to myself and others. Now, I find myself multitasking between healing my inner child and breaking the cycle, and that can be overwhelming. 

Breaking the cycle can be incredibly frustrating because it means going against your ingrained reactions. For example, someone who typically responds to conflict with anger must learn to lean into understanding. On the other hand, a person who tends to let others walk all over them will need to find their voice and take a stand. Both can feel like climbing Mount Everest in flip-flops because they are out of our comfort zone, and breaking the cycle means finding yourself living in the uncomfortable zone. 

One of the initial steps I took was to apologize and own my actions. Acknowledging my mistakes meant breaking my parents' habit of denial and ego, as they refused to apologize and take ownership for their actions and choices. Saying sorry doesn't fix everything. Sure, it is nice to hear, but it must be followed up with action. 

Breaking the cycle requires difficult decisions and embracing the unknown. If you are like me and find yourself walking down the same generational path of trauma and dysfunction for years, and then decide to jump off the path and break the cycle. There will be people in your life who won't believe you, and in their eyes, you will always be walking on that dysfunctional path. Friends and family may find it hard to see that you're no longer a prisoner of the past. Unfortunately, that struggle for recognition from those who can't see you're changing can be disheartening, yet we cannot let someone's opinion of us stop us from breaking the cycle. 

Expanding my mindset through Stoic philosophy was a game-changer for me in breaking the cycle. It was encouraging and beneficial to listen to other people's points of view who have been dead for 1,000 years, yet their message is just as relevant today. With themes like letting go, the inner child, and inner demons, to name a few. Philosophy helped me understand myself and the world around me better. These teachings helped me comprehend the timeless nature of the mental health battles we face and the shared struggles of humanity. We as a society are now learning the importance of mental health and being transparent with our mental health issues, the complexity of life, and the people we let into our lives, as everyone is carrying some emotional baggage. 

So, to anyone out there embarking on the journey to break their own cycle, I applaud you. It's a noble pursuit filled with peaks and valleys, with the reward of blooming into the best version of yourself. We owe it to ourselves and to those who will come after us to steer clear of the destructive paths laid by our abusers. When breaking the cycle, we must be mindful and choose to be rational rather than reactionary.

Breaking the cycle is not a one-time act; it's a lifelong commitment. It means choosing growth over comfort, logic over chaos, and love over inherited pain. To anyone daring to take that path, know this: you are not weak for struggling; you are strong for trying. Keep showing up. Keep choosing the better path. You are not just healing yourself; you're rewriting the future. Let's all make the hard but right choice to break the cycle. It's not just the brave thing to do. It's the right thing to do.